MY LAPTOP'S GOT THE FLU. NOW WHAT THE #%*% DO I DO?

MY LAPTOP'S GOT THE FLU. NOW WHAT THE #%$% DO I DO? - ABOUT TWO WEEKS AGO, MY LAPTOP SUDDENLY WENT ROGUE ON ME. A MAJOR VIRUS HAD INFECTED THE SYSTEM. THERE WAS TROUBLE RIGHT HERE IN RIVER CITY. IN WHAT SEEMED LIKE GIANT HEADLINES, THE SCREEN READ - REGISTRY CORRUPTED. I STILL HAVE ENOUGH GREY MATTER BETWEEN MY EARS TO DEDUCE WHAT THAT MEANT. DEAD IN THE WATER - UP A CREEK WITHOUT A PADDLE - TOTALLY SCREWED. SHORT OF GRABBING A HUGE JACK HAMMER, SMASHING THE OFFENDING LAPTOP TO SMITHEREENS THEN BUYING A NEW COMPUTER (THANK GOD FOR ONLINE BACK-UP), JUST WHAT THE @!#$%&%#@$!^^^$@@$%!&$%#@!@#

COULD I DO? THE ANSWER CAME QUICKLY. FIND SOMEONE WHO ACTUALLY KNEW SOMETHING ABOUT COMPUTERS, THEN COUGH UP THE BUCKS NECESSARY TO INTICE HIM TO GET THE @#$%&%## THING WORKING AGAIN. SO, HIE HO, HIE HO, IT'S OFF TO THE COMPUTER REPAIR SHOP I GO. THEN I WAIT AND WAIT AND WAIT. I WAIT, IT SEEMS, MUCH LONGER THAN IT TOOK NATURE TO CARVE OUT THE GRAND CANYON. NOBODY KNOWS THE TROUBLES I'VE SEEN. WHEN THE REPAIRMAN CALLED AND SAID THE COMPUTER WAS READY, I ACTUALLY DANCED A JIG. AFTER SIGNING A CONTRACT IN BLOOD (THAT CLAUSE ABOUT DELIVERING UP MY SOUL ONE MINUTE TILL MIDNIGHT NEXT ALL HALLOWS EVE SORTA BOTHERED ME A BIT.), I RECEIVED A BILL FOR MORE THAN I PAID FOR MY HOUSE ABOUT 35 YEARS AGO. i GOTTA ADMIT, MY COMPUTER RAN FASTER THAN EVER. ONLY THING WAS, ALL MY PHOTOGRAPHS FROM 2009 FORWARD WERE MISSING. SO NOW I'M HAVING TO RETRIEVE MY FILES FROM ONLINE BACK-UP . MORAL OF THE STORY. ALWAYS, ALWAYS BACK UP YOUR FILES. BECAUSE SOMEHOW, SOMETIME, DIGITAL DOOGETY DOGGLEPIPER VIRUS IS GOING TO COME YOUR WAY AND GOBBLE UP YOUR PRECIOUS PHOTOGRAPHS AND LEAVE YOUR PIDDLY ASS HIGH AND DRY. LARRY ELKINS - ELKINSPHOTOS FINE ART PHOTOGRAPHY