I HEARD THE KNOCK ON THE DOOR ABOUT 8:20 AM. "THEY'RE HERE EARLY!.", CHUCK SHOUTED FROM OUT IN THE HALL. I SCRAMBLED FOR MY GEAR. BIG DAY AHEAD. WE HAD CONTRACTED FOR A FULL DAY'S EXCURSION INTO THE COUNTRYSIDE. THE DAY'S ACTIVITIES WERE TO INCLUDE ATTENDING A PERFORMANCE BY SHOW ELEPHANTS, RIVER RAFTING, RIDING AN ELEPHANT AND VISITING A HILL TRIBE VILLAGE, AN ORCHID FARM AND A BUTTERFLY FARM. THE PRICE: 900 BAHT PER PERSON, ABOUT THIRTY U.S. DOLLARS. A scant five minutes later we four intrepid adventurers were on our way to the jungles of Southeast Asia, a prospect that held a whole different context for a generation of guys back in the 60's and 70's. But that's another story. The van transporting us on our little adventure sped off to pick up seven other people from their hotels, then headed out of town. After about thirty minutes or so I sensed we were at last getting close to the jungle when I spotted the billboard advertising TARZAN'S GREAT ADVENTURE - LUNCH INCLUDED. When we finally pulled into the compound, we could see there were elephants everywhere. There was also elephant dung everywhere. The elephant show was a bit cheesy but enjoyable, and provided for some interesting photo opps. Immediately after the show, we were afforded the opportunity to get close up and personal with the pachyderms. Curt managed to talk one of the handlers into allowing him to ride one of the elephants bareback. In no time, a proud Curt was seated astride the gigantic beast. Everything went well until it came time for Curt to exit the elephant. The elephant began lowering itself. As the animal did this it did so rump first. As it did so. Curt began to slide down the elephant's back. What happened next occurred in slow motion. For a nanosecond or so, as Curt slid backward, I thought to myself, "So that's how you get off an elephant". That thought was followed by the instant realization that that was not how you were supposed to get off the elephant. Curt continued his slide back till he reached the beast's tail. Then he fell backward through the air. After about a four foot free fall during which his cap flew in one direction and his sunglasses flew in the other, Curt's butt encountered hard ground with a loud thump. Luckily, only Curt's pride was hurt. Well. actually that wasn't entirely true. His butt was pretty bruised up. But he was still in one piece. Next on our list of to dos was riding a raft down the river. The ride turned out to be sort of a cross between Huck Finn's sojourn on the Mississippi and the Disneyland jungle ride. Our journey down the Asian jungle river was followed by lunch and a quick trip to the toilet. Then the real adventure began. I can think of nothing more pleasant than a relaxing trip atop a giant elephant. Unfortunately, that's not how it works. Seated with Peggy in a bench like saddle, I was gung ho for my first elephant ride. Then the God awful beast began to move. Believe me, for I now know, the actual experience of riding an elephant is a decidedly unpleasant one. The devil beast moves in one direction. You move in the other. The effect on the back is much like that of undergoing torture on the rack. and our trip by elephant to a native hill tribe village meant that our journey would not be over flat ground. No. We were forced to go up and down, up and down steep inclines where our very lives depended on the sure footedness of the behemoth that bore us on his back. I prayed that our beast of burden did not slip on any of the mounds of elephant dung that lay in our path. Thankfully, we eventually arrived at the hill tribe village. or rather, we arrived at a series of stalls through which we were herded as colorfully dress hill tribe women posed for pictures while attempting to sell us their handcrafted and, in some cases what appeared to be not so handcrafted, goods. As we got ready for our return trip from the village, we thanked our lucky stars it would be by ox cart and not elephant. Of course, that was before we discovered that perhaps the only thing more uncomfortable than riding an elephant is riding in an ox cart. Our visit to the orchid and butterfly farms was uneventful and then we found ourselves back at the hotel. It had been a long, long, long day. LARRY ELKINS ELKINSPHOTOS FINE ART PHOTOGRAPHY
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